In the past weeks, I’ve had lots of parents ask me “How in the world can I manage my own anxiety, deal with work commitments that are essential, and find time to ‘tune in’ to my child’s class meetings, all while dealing with an increasingly demanding child who no longer seem to know how to play on her own?” The stresses are real and palpable. If these questions are running through your head, know that you are not alone.
Although I won’t pretend to have all of the answers, here are some suggestions for how to navigate working at home with more success and less friction:
If two parents are working at home, do your best to split childcare and work responsibilities. Each of you will be more productive at work, your child will be less demanding, and everyone will be calmer.
Create a picture schedule that you and your child can refer to showing “work time for grownups” and “private playtime for child.”
If your child needs to be near you to play alone, “give in” rather than “dig in.”
Set up a “play space” for her close enough to you so she does not feel abandoned, but far enough away so that you can concentrate (this may be impossible, but it’s worth a try).
Have a special collection of toys or activities that come out only when you work and put them away when work time is over.
Use a visual timer (can be on your phone) so that your child can better anticipate when you will be available again.
Make use of grandparents and anyone else you can enlist to spend quality phone time reading to your child or playing games on FaceTime while you work.
Be pro-active, rather than reactive, in finding the best time of day for you to be working (if you have any flexibility). Children will have a harder time being independent if they are tired and hungry.
Let your child know, “As soon as I’m finished I can’t wait to play with you”. Avoid, “If you don’t let me finish my work then there is no time for me to play with you.”
Remember that temperament will affect how easily any child adjusts to this new norm. “Easy going” temperaments will be more flexible and “difficult” temperaments will likely be more demanding. Make sure that children who are needier of attention regularly get enough positive feedback throughout the day so they feel heard.
Praise your child regularly for the small steps she is taking letting you do your work (“I’m so glad you’re remembering to wait until the timer goes off”).
Appreciate the effort everyone is making to remain flexible and empathetic.